tekken’s blurbs

due to my moms unbearable bantering that i should clean my own room (geeesh mom! cant work in the office and clean my room on weekends that’ll be like totally lame heeellerr!!!) 

i found the old box where i kept karl’s love letter….. i hid it in my room coz i know ill be having one hellava time finding it with all the shoe boxes and other stuff in my room…..

it usually take all i had just to open that thing but…… it was different that day……

i read every single letter that was in there and surprisingly…..i laughed.

i didnt feel any pain, stabbing or whatever feeling….i just felt loved and cherished

….. and i realize that i finally have the answer to  the question ive been asking for a long time…..he really did love me……

so karl……my ex boyfriend now a friend (truthfully) i forgive u and may your soul rest in peace…. ETCHING!!! seriously….i forgive u and thanks for truly loving me despite of what a horrible and morbid creature i am…thank u

i always thought it wouldn’t be that hard to love…..you just have to go with the flow and let everything run its course..but i was dead wrong. it wasnt the “walk in the park” like i expected. it was like crossing the expressway. there is a high percentage that ull get hit by a fast moving vehicle…and once ur down…u’ll stay down till the ambulance picks u up and rushes whats left of u to the hospital. yes…its that bad.

its scary out there…….but we have to go down the road eventually. life wouldnt be life if there are no risks involve right?

but we have to… there’s no other choice

I cried my heart out the day i lost you. you were the only thing that draws the line between insanity in this crazy mad driven world. i dont know how to go on without you. yet im trying. it’s hard. loneliness creeps through the core of my veins like a poison every minute i think of you. i just cant seem to let go. i feel so insignificant without you. you who have made me happy and made me feel that everythings gonna be alright. you who understood te pressures im going through. you who stood by me and put up with my every changing moods and tantrums. iam gonna miss you terribly……..my PSP (T.T)

i always wonder if i could ever call myself "normal". what is being "normal" really? does it include being a stereotypical person doing what every f*cking thing that people do? is it having something like everyone has? does it mean you think like everyone thinks? how does everyone thinks anyway?? (f*ck! i haven’t even answered the first one yet!) WHAT IS NORMAL? why do people always say "why dont you act like any normal people do?" well hellloooooo? in case you haven’t noticed im having a hard time defining what "normal" is. and watching "american psycho" didnt really help at all. whats worst is deep down in me i think of myself as a classic nutjob. i dont know why. but i just do. though id probably beat the sh*t outta anyone who’d tell that to my face.

i want to be normal….. would someone "normal" please tell me how to be one?

after enduring years of chaos and mind numbing torture ive finally found a moment of peace. i let my soul crash with the waves of the ocean, filling it with power in every crest that brakes between the hard rocks. i drown in the quiteness of the afternoon with nothing but me, the bright blue sky, the clear water and the white sand. i felt all the hatered in me wash away as i bathe in the cool waters that flows down the waterfall. i slept under the pale moonlight without fear. i wish i could go back again someday….. on my little slice of heaven

New year’s never without a New Year’s Resolution. I made one for the first time . And guess what? I broke 3 in the first first 3 hours of the day.(Good job matey!) But I’m still planning on keeping the rest and of course restraining myself to do even more damage to my oath. (oath for an oaf that is lolz)

Anyway, I’m really planning on a change this year and hopefully succeed. If not well……. I’ll just hang myself and think what a hopeless nut job I am and pray for a quick death (lolz)

Here’s the thing, this is just the beginning, whatever mistakes we made is still redeemable. So never stop trying.

I asked myself, is it my fault? to be with someone whom i wasnt suppose to be with in the first place. did the pleasure of it all compensate with the risk? how could i have been so stupid as to not know? im ruining someone else’s life because of my actions. though there was never any regret in his eyes. iam the one whose carrying all the guilt. guilt that i shouldnt be feeling, guilt which isn’t mine to begin with. "the truth hurts" undeniably true. i felt the life out of me being drained to its last drop. i felt the world stopped turning for a moment. and where is he right now? in his lovers arms. whom he had made his vows so solemnly to lovel her faithfully. i dont envy her. i feel sorry for her, sorry for both of us. She being a victim and me being a willing victim. funny. willing victim. since when did a victim became so willing to be one. iam. the stupid one. the shameless one. is it my fault? am i to blame? am i committing a mortal sin?

To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.

When I go fishing for the words
I am wishing you would say to me,
I’m really only praying
That the words you’ll soon be saying
Might betray the way you feel about me.

But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.

ive been up one moment then came plunging down after. harsh. but thats the way it goes. i kept asking myself… should i stay? or should i go? this would all be worthless in the end. but the ride itself proves to be most rewarding. confusing? not as confusing as this ride. i often tell myself to stop. leave it. how? im into this way too deep to leave. i hung my head low in defeat. then a shimmer of hope like a light in the endless tunnel glimmers from a far. oh what the hell!! continue on… and on…. until i get so tired but still… the fool. a worthless cause but still…… never minding my silent plea to myself to stop. stupidity engulfs me dumfounded i go on….. hoping to find the strenght to stop this madness